lickhaven

Another strange police charge:

A woman’s body is found in her boyfriend’s fridge: “Stevens is charged with tampering with evidence with the intent to impair a human corpse.”

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How to create a European detective series which will then appear on Netflix in the U.S.

• It must feature a female police detective in the lead who is
  • smarter and more intuitive than her fellow detectives
  • returning to the force after a traumatic absence
  • despised by at least one officer in charge
  • involved in a difficult or disintegrating marriage, preferably interracial
• The department must be fully interracial with this fact never referred to
• The timeline must ratchet back and forth at a dizzying pace to leave you confused
• The plot must focus in part on the owners of a corporation run by an unpleasant family of at least two generations
• One of the younger members of this family must be considered an outcast for showing honesty or decency
• The elements of the central crime (usually a series of grisly murders) must be contradictory or incomprehensible enough to leave you further confused
• Several of the charters, male and female, must look so nearly alike that you spend much of your time trying to recall who you’re watching
• A totally unrelated subplot, usually involving the detective, must turn out to be crucial in solving the mystery
• The detective must conspicuously tail a suspect in her car without the suspect noting this for a moment
• Forests and murky bodies of water must be involved, whether central to the plot or not
• The music must be constant and either poundingly ominous or feature a pop song sung in English, no matter in which country the action takes place
• You must be left with the positive feeling that the writing, directing and acting were superb throughout and you’ve had a lot of fun, even though the story was pointless

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Tune: Frosty the Snowman:

Futzi the Showman

Was a rancid little elf,

For if you tried to talk to him,

He would say, ‘Go fuck yourself.”

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A spot-on cartoon:

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Thought I openly admit to being a total klutz at most physical endeavors, it doesn’t stop me from giving advice to others on how to do plumbing.

Continual failure can be highly instructive.

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The proper terms for today’s political system and its leaders: Moronocracy, Moronocrats

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The British are still dickering on returning the Parthenon marbles to Greece: now they may be willing to at least “loan” them to the Greek Parthenon Museum. As if they had the least right to them in the first place. Lord Elgin performed the most egregious art theft in history, carting them out of Egypt, to “protect” them, I suppose. The usual combination of British international brutality and smarm.

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Tune: Back in the Saddle Again

I’m ballin the cattle again,

Ballin the cattle again,

Yippee ti-yi-yay,

Not one will get away,

When I’m ballin the cattle again

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Headline:

“Respiratory infection clusters in China not caused by novel virus, says health ministry.” Of course not! It’s a short-story virus.